by Dave Hungate


Sessionese
Those of you who aspire to become "studio sausages" are probably aware of the importance of good time, clean technique, first-class gear, taste and reading ability. You are probably not aware of the secret language of the studio. I'm referring to a set of euphemistic phrases commonly used in the interest of diplomacy. To my knowledge no one has compiled a catalogue of these, so I will begin. Here are some favorites:

• Musician to engineer: "Could we have more band in the phones?"
  Translation: "The singer is too #$%@*! loud in the phones!"
  
  
• Singer to engineer: "I can't hear myself."
  Translation: "I only want to hear myself."
  
  
• Musician to guitarist: "Can you hear yourself OK?"
  Translation: "You're too %$#@&! loud in the phones!"
  
  
• Bassist to band: "Can everybody hear the drums?"
  Translation: "This band is swinging like a toilet seat."
  
  
• Bassist to band: "Can everybody hear the click?"
  Translation: "Some of you %$#@! are rushing."
  
  
• Bassist or drummer to band: "Can everybody hear the bass and drums?"
  Translation: "This is not a Simon and Garfunkle date, i.e. time is not an herb."
  
  
• Musician to producer: "Could we have more piano in the phones?"
  Translation: "Your artist can't sing in tune."
  
  
• Bassist to engineer: "Could we have more steel/fiddle/accordion in the phones?"
  Translation: "I will punish the band for rushing."
  
  
• Musician to producer or artist: "This song sounds like a hit."
  Translation: "This song sounds like another song."
  
  
• Musician to writer: "This song has a nice lyric."
  Translation: "This melody is really lame."
  
  
• Musician to writer: "This song has a nice melody."
  Translation: "Is English your second language?"
  
  
• Musician to writer: "This song has nice changes."
  Translation: "It's amazing what you can do with two chords."
  
  
• Producer to band: "It's a feel thing."
  Translation: "I know the song sucks, but the artist wrote it."
  
  
• Musician to producer: "I don't think we'll beat the magic of that first take."
  Translation: "Please don't make us play this piece of shit again."
  
  
• Drummer to band: "Should we speed the tempo up a couple of clicks?"
  Translation: "Do you pantloads intend to keep rushing?"
  
  
• Musician to producer: "Could we listen to one in the control room?"
  Translation: "The way these phones sound we might as well be listening to Radio Free Europe."
  
  
• Producer to band: "Let's take a break and come back and try one more."
  Translation: "I think I'm having a nervous breakdown."
  
  
• Artist to musician: "Can you play something like ______ would play?"
  Translation: "I really wanted _____ on my record."
  
  
• Musician to producer: "Were we booked for two sessions today?"
  Translation: "Another three hours of this crap and I may have to kill you."
  
  
• Artist to producer: "I don't like this song... it really sucks."
  Translation: "I didn't write this song."
  
  
• Producer to artist: "Trust me. It's a good song. Radio will love it."
  Translation: "%$#@ you! I own the publishing on this song. Morons will love it."
  
  
• Drummer to producer: "That track feels great!"
  Translation: "That track feels great!"
  
  

Memorize these and review them before each session until they become second nature. And remember: sincerity is important. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

(This article originally appeared in the June 1996 Bass Player magazine and is reprinted by permission. Bassist Dave Hungate is a native of Troy, MO, and a North Texas State alum. He has performed and/or recorded with a "who's who" of music notables including Sonny & Cher, Toto and Manhattan Transfer and he has appeared on numerous TV and movie soundtracks. He is a currently a top session musician in Nashville, TN. -- Ed.)


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