JAM Magazine: June/July 1997 Issue: Coda

More Words That Don't Exist But Should
(And Now Do)

There's an inventive piece of hilarity floating around the Internet these days listing "New Words That Don't Exist But Should." Some examples:

BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow remove all the germs.

Are similar inventions to be found in the world of music? You bet there are. (Special thanks to contributors Don Brayton, Jerry Landsbaum, Frank McGowan and Linda Vanetta.)

IMPROVALIENATE (im prov aa' lee un ate) v. To play on chord changes you know when the tune's real changes are too difficult (i.e. "I Got Rhythm" for "Giant Steps"). (FM)

HALEBOPITUDE (hale bop' a tude) n. The act of "taking it outside" when lost in a solo that has no hope of getting home. (FM)

GEETARDY (gi' tar dee, or gi tar' dee) adj. When a student is late for a guitar lesson. (LV)

SPEBSQSA (speb' skwa) v. To produce a sound of such intense disharmony that any subsequent resolution, including silence, causes great pleasure. And applause. (DB)

PEANUTSENVY (pee' nutz en' vee) n. The surge of emotion felt by a lesser trombonist upon seeing the wages and tips of a greater trombonist. (DB)

BONEFIED (bone' a fide) v. p.t. What happens to the heads of big band saxophone players when the trombone section lets things slide too far. (FM)

REHARM (ree' harm) v. 1. To reharmonize by using substitute chords. 2. To cause even more damage to a song on your second chorus. (FM)

MORENDO KEVORKIAN (moor en' doe ku vork' e an) adj. Slower and softer, until the music completely dies out. (JL)

YANNI RIGATONI (yan' ee rig uh tow' nee) adj. Hollow, empty, and without meaning. (JL)

NEWT FLUTE (noot' floot) n. An instrument in the woodwind family that makes loud squeaking noises when played from the extreme right side of the mouth. (JL)

FLOOL (floo' ul) n. The standard game of pool played with a flute in place of the cue stick. (DB)

FLOLF (flolf) n. The standard game of golf played with a flute in place
of clubs. (See also CLARINOLF, BASSINOLF and ORCHESTROLF.) (DB)

TUBASM - (too' baz um) n. When a tuba player experiences a moment of extreme pleasure upon properly executing the cadenza at the end of the Saint-Saens cello concerto. Usually accompanied by three to five full body spasms. (Ex. "Don bragged of having several tubasms in one night.") (DB)

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© Kansas City Jazz Ambassadors 1996-2001. All rights reserved.






	Search our site:		More Words That Don't Exist But Should (And Now Do) There's an inventive piece of hilarity floating around the Internet these days listing "New Words That Don't Exist But Should." Some examples: BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow remove all the germs. Are similar inventions to be found in the world of music? You bet there are. (Special thanks to contributors Don Brayton, Jerry Landsbaum, Frank McGowan and Linda Vanetta.) IMPROVALIENATE (im prov aa' lee un ate) v. To play on chord changes you know when the tune's real changes are too difficult (i.e. "I Got Rhythm" for "Giant Steps"). (FM) HALEBOPITUDE (hale bop' a tude) n. The act of "taking it outside" when lost in a solo that has no hope of getting home. (FM) GEETARDY (gi' tar dee, or gi tar' dee) adj. When a student is late for a guitar lesson. (LV) SPEBSQSA (speb' skwa) v. To produce a sound of such intense disharmony that any subsequent resolution, including silence, causes great pleasure. And applause. (DB) PEANUTSENVY (pee' nutz en' vee) n. The surge of emotion felt by a lesser trombonist upon seeing the wages and tips of a greater trombonist. (DB) BONEFIED (bone' a fide) v. p.t. What happens to the heads of big band saxophone players when the trombone section lets things slide too far. (FM) REHARM (ree' harm) v. 1. To reharmonize by using substitute chords. 2. To cause even more damage to a song on your second chorus. (FM) MORENDO KEVORKIAN (moor en' doe ku vork' e an) adj. Slower and softer, until the music completely dies out. (JL) YANNI RIGATONI (yan' ee rig uh tow' nee) adj. Hollow, empty, and without meaning. (JL) NEWT FLUTE (noot' floot) n. An instrument in the woodwind family that makes loud squeaking noises when played from the extreme right side of the mouth. (JL) FLOOL (floo' ul) n. The standard game of pool played with a flute in place of the cue stick. (DB) FLOLF (flolf) n. The standard game of golf played with a flute in place of clubs. (See also CLARINOLF, BASSINOLF and ORCHESTROLF.) (DB) TUBASM - (too' baz um) n. When a tuba player experiences a moment of extreme pleasure upon properly executing the cadenza at the end of the Saint-Saens cello concerto. Usually accompanied by three to five full body spasms. (Ex. "Don bragged of having several tubasms in one night.") (DB) RETURN TO JUNE/JULY 1997 MAIN INDEX ------------------------------------------------------------------------ © Kansas City Jazz Ambassadors 1996-2001. All rights reserved.